Petrarchive – Getting the blues again...

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No.13330 Anonymous>>13337 >>13361 2026-10-13 08:36:05
Getting the blues again...
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I had a breakdown about 6 months ago. I went to the doctor and he put me on goypills (sertraline). It helped, for a while, and then I started feeling quite terribly again. He bumped it up. It also helped for a while. Now it's as if I'm at square one.

Obviously I did not expect these pills to make me "happy;" otherwise, everyone would be taking them. And, to be honest, they have helped me become less hyper-aware. Social interactions are now more impulse-based, which I guess has its benefits. Nevertheless, I feel as if I'm reliving the same six months on repeat. I get sad, I take more pills, I feel marginally less sad, and so on.

The most attractive solution that I've found is Buddhism. It's a gotcha: there's no point in trying to exile suffering because you'll never run out of it. I feel like meditation will help you be acutely aware of your suffering while still having no control over it. I'm referring to self-imposed mental suffering here. If there are any Buddhist scholars on here who are willing to epically debunk my stupid Westerner conception of duhkha, please do.

The other thing I haven't tried is therapy. My (cliché) issue with it is that I am not able to put on a convincing enough display of good faith. I don't think I've anything to complain about, considering that my life does not lack the many things that most people in the world do lack. If I were to be psychoanalyzing myself, I would hardly be able to stop rolling my eyes.

So, any suggestions? Does everyone eventually have to get used to being slightly miserable for no discernable reason?
No.13332 Anonymous>>13334 2026-10-13 08:59:37
Yeah you just gotta live with it. Not fucking with your brain's chemical receptors helps too
No.13333 Anonymous>>13333 >>13338 2026-10-13 09:03:32
>>13333
Maybe these quads could help
No.13334 Anonymous>>13335 2026-10-13 09:06:05
>>13332
>Not fucking with your brain's chemical receptors helps too
Too late for that now!
No.13335 Anonymous>>13340 2026-10-13 09:08:48
>>13334
Kind of but not really. The human body isn't like an amoeba and no one's growing back limbs, but there is a slight regenerative ability available to us, especially for internal organs. It takes a long time and patient, focused healing though.
No.13336 Anonymous 2026-10-13 09:33:38
meditation does force you to be in the present but it also helps you get out of your head. when you're meditating you're not supposed to introspect
No.13337 Anonymous 2026-10-13 09:35:15
>>13330 (OP)
Medication for depression etc. is meant to get you functional enough that you're able to work on the underlying problems. It's not a final cure in itself.

You don't have to earn suffering. Suffering that's "just" in your head is still suffering, and I imagine feeling like you haven't earned it adds to your suffering. Being stuck in a certain way of thinking can be a horrible experience. It's not like you go to a therapist because you're broke or hungry or to treat your cancer, you go so they can inspect your way of thinking and feeling from the outside. I dunno much about Buddhism, and my experiences with therapy aren't too deep but they're positive, so just try something. You don't need a scholar to tell you what to do if you have options right in front of you. Don't discount your options.

You're clearly stuck in your own head, though you've already made some progress at least with respect to social interactions. Keep changing what you can, including your ways of thinking, though identifying what you're struggling with internally isn't always easy (thus meditation, thus a therapist). Changing for the better also doesn't mean feeling happy immediately, nor does it mean all your problems disappear.


Normally I'd hate these kinds of threads, but seeing that you've made some progress counts for something. I've gone through a similar process after being "unduly" sad for as long as I could remember, and came out the other end feeling like I can legitimately call myself happy. You can get better.
No.13338 Anonymous 2026-10-13 10:02:24
>>13333
BASED
No.13340 Anonymous 2026-10-13 13:37:52
>>13335
Not to be all pop-psych and gay, but the brain is crazy. Shit like Phineas Gage is crazy. I don't think anyone can ever say it's truly over re healing your brain unless your willpower is taken away (e.g., total schizophrenic breakdown, bipolar mania, etc). Mind over matter works, but I dunno if we'll ever understand it.
No.13346 Anonymous>>13365 2026-10-13 19:46:59
sometimes i think about getting on the goypills.

i don't really have a good reason; i mean i've been depressed and anxious before, but never been diagnosed with anything, if only for the reason because i loathe the idea of bringing up any of this to someone else.

but i cannot go a day in my life without thinking about how much i wish i could hop off a bridge for all the stupid things i've ever said or done. makes me physically and mentally shudder.

none of this really stops me from doing the things i enjoy doing or trying new things or having somewhat healthy relationships, i'm even getting into new activities, trying to be more regularly physically active, blah blah blah. but i fucking hate when i'm driving down the street and suddenly i think of the time i said something so mind numbingly stupid to someone, and i spaz the fuck out.

probably, like you, i shoulder consider therapy or whatever (i would rather consider psychoanalysis, for what it's worth) but i just cannot bring myself to talk about any of these things. does that mean i probably should? probably. but i might rather bleed to death than let any of these thoughts cross the boundary from thought to speech.

it's interesting really. i think i'm afraid of letting these things live twice, so i try to just contain them in my head, letting them reverberate around, forever.
No.13361 Anonymous 2026-10-14 23:49:45
>>13330 (OP)
>It's a gotcha: there's no point in trying to exile suffering because you'll never run out of it.
Reread the Four Noble Truths. You're contradicting the third. Cessation is possible. The gotcha is it's not possible for "you" because clinging is the cause of suffering and "you" are a clump of clinging factors that don't exist independently. Also, the fourth, the path, is more than just meditation. You'll have more luck embracing the whole thing rather than picking and choosing.
No.13364 Anonymous>>13366 2026-10-15 01:52:26
The Western obsession with Buddhism has nothing to do with any ideas of Buddhism but rather the castrated Western goytitude towards religion. If you're feeling a pull towards Buddhism you seek meaning through belief which is a completely normal thing. But it's only through the CIA psyop that you feel comfortable expressing this.
No.13365 Anonymous>>13370 2026-10-15 01:57:08
>>13346
Take this from a guy who was horrendous in his teens. I mean it when I say people still remember me because I was that stupid when I was younger.

You're feeling embarrassment because these memories directly contradict the you that you think you are now. It's natural. Perhaps your very identity has to have this overwhelming sense of embarrassment. It is a social emotion, requiring at least two parties. The identity of today and the mismatched collage of various memories. The man who whips himself hurts himself to show that he is better than the version of him that does not.
No.13366 Anonymous 2026-10-15 02:13:05
>>13364
The jews are actually buddhist holy shit the buddhists run the world
No.13369 Anonymous 2026-10-15 08:58:22
A religion without god for a people without religion
No.13370 Anonymous 2026-10-15 13:12:42
>>13365
are you saying this embarrassment is unfortunate but necessary birthing pangs in the formation of growth? i suppose i agree, but it feels vestigial, like i might as well just live as the newer, better person without having the clinging back monkey of shame.
No.13371 Anonymous 2026-10-15 13:21:56
Who here has taken the Wellbutrin pill? I first became aware of this non-SSRI antidepressant when Dasha talked about her experience on it.
>Bupropion, formerly called amfebutamone, and sold under the brand name Wellbutrin among others, is an atypical antidepressant that is indicated in the treatment of major depressive disorder and seasonal affective disorder and to support smoking cessation. It is a norepinephrine–dopamine reuptake inhibitor (NDRI).
>Bupropion has several features that distinguish it from other antidepressants: it does not usually cause sexual dysfunction, it is not associated with weight gain or sleepiness, and it is more effective than SSRIs at improving symptoms of hypersomnia and fatigue. Bupropion, particularly the immediate-release formulation, carries a higher risk of seizure than many other antidepressants; hence, caution is recommended in patients with a history of seizure disorder. The medication is taken by mouth.
No.13374 Anonymous 2026-10-15 13:34:36
I have always been fascinated that a common drug prescribed for bipolar disorder is originally an anti-convulsant (lamotrigine) for the shaky folx. And the connection between the two is obscure. Everything surrounding neurology is obscure at best, it's like two steps away from alchemy or astronomy or divination. Age of enlightenment my ass.