Petrarchive – Thread 12035

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No.12035 Anonymous 2026-09-05 22:30:16
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What's your everyday disposition? Do you love life? Are you open to the world in all its possibilities?

Sometimes, I think my main problem is that I continually take life too seriously. I think I'm afraid of consequences and activity. And it's not even that I am particularly inactive, like a shut-in, but what I do could be bigger, more interesting, and more profound. I don't know how to be more receptive to the world and its potential. Or maybe I'm an fool deluded by grandeur. I don't want to change the world though, I'd be happy with just a little slice of life. Yet it doesn't even feel like I change myself.

Sometimes, I wish I was just a big satellite dish or a lightning rod, receptive to everything that could ever be and could feel it all at once, and not be limited by time.
No.12039 Anonymous>>12043 2026-09-06 08:23:05
I love life but some days I get sad :(
No.12041 Anonymous>>12043 2026-09-06 11:36:10
I know who I am but it's never how other people describe me.
No.12042 Anonymous>>12043 2026-09-06 12:15:14
I'm neuritic and scared. but we soldier on
No.12043 Anonymous>>12055 >>12056 >>12125 2026-09-06 15:44:34
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>>12039
Me too, do you think the sad days make you love life more or less?

>>12041
Do you do anything to change that? Or let it be?

>>12042
Scared of what?
No.12055 Anonymous>>12062 2026-09-07 00:56:40
>>12043

of the future. so many things can go wrong and I'm tired of worrying, of prepping myself for it mentally. I can't help worrying and dreading. might be a mercy if I die of a stressed induced heart attack in my late 20s which seems likely the way things are going
No.12056 Anonymous>>12058 >>12062 2026-09-07 05:33:19
>>12043
I never bother correcting people, if they wanted to know something about me they'd ask. If they don't ask then they don't care to learn and correcting their assumptions is just assuaging my ego. I've learned that what people assume about me is more often than not a reflection of their own preconceptions more than it is my own behavior or demeanor. The end result is that I have never had anyone in my life who really "knows" me, and I probably never will.
No.12058 Anonymous 2026-09-07 07:06:00
>>12056
its why i ask people to not buy me presents on my birthday or christmas. ultimate reminder that they dont know me nor care to.
No.12062 Anonymous>>12067 2026-09-07 10:44:06
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>>12055
Do you dread anything specific? Or just a vague notion? I'm unfocused these days, I worry I'll just stumble through life until I die.

>>12056
I have this belief too, actually.

It was once to my detriment that I believe this, because an evil person I was once friends with used it to her advantage and spread vicious rumors about me. Even when I knew this was going on, I never confronted anyone because I decided it wasn't worth entangling myself in an endless game of correction or self-righteousness, and that anyone engaged in a damaging belief of myself did so because they already decided it was true, rather than for any rational reason. In hindsight, knowing that there was this rumor mill operation happening and that I didn't do anything about it did psychic damage to me.

Another reason I think I hold this belief is because I believe I don't know myself wholly and don't feel confident to ever make some statement about myself.
No.12067 Anonymous>>12068 2026-09-07 11:08:36
>>12062
right now its passing my finals at uni despite brain feeling like mush, deciding what i actually want to do in life because i dont want to work in the field i'm getting my degree in and i'm too close to the finish line to drop out, then getting a job, keeping the said job (i'm a quitter), making ocd go away without meds, climate change (yes, really.), my parents ageing
No.12068 Anonymous 2026-09-07 11:17:18
>>12067
Getting out of school was actually relief, though I'm stalling now. Best to just get through it.
No.12069 Anonymous 2026-09-07 11:18:11
a relief *
No.12125 Anonymous 2026-09-08 08:11:34
>>12043

The sad days don't make me love life more or less. Well I guess maybe they make me love it a little less.

When I'm happy there's the bittersweet element of knowing that I will soon be sad again. But when I'm sad there's the comforting certitude that I'll soon be happy again.
No.12156 Anonymous 2026-09-08 20:25:54
I was in a bad mood today. Got through work, got a workout in, and now I am feelin' fine.