Petrarchive – Thread 10179

> The guys who give me these butterflies are of similar age to me (late 20s) which i think is abnormal for homosexuals
not necessarily, no

I don't think one gets closer to God by being driven by Fear.

"are of similar age to me (late 20s) which i think is abnormal for homosexuals??"

what did he mean by this??

I get tingles in my palm when I think about someone I have a crush on.

>>10179 (OP)
Hm, interesting, very similar to my current predicament. Lately I have been partaking in sex with men again, though generally only digital and oral stimulation, only occasionally penetrative anal sex via the penis. Primarily men who observe more feminine patterns than myself, such as shaving, slimmer physiques, etcetera, making them essentially women in my thinking, although sometimes I am involved with larger more masculine presenting men which I will elaborate on shortly. If I chose to, I could be having sex with women, but have yet to find a woman worthy of my full attention or attraction, despite many dates. Women, personally, have disappointed me on the axes of romance and sexuality, though I have made many dear female friends through my attempts to find my female complement. Sex with men is easy to attain and satisfies at least my basic desires, even if I do not believe myself fundamentally aligned to it physiologically or emotionally or intellectually or what have you.

From my understanding and ponderances, I'm not strictly «gay» since I had no father figure growing up, meaning I did not develop any form of attraction to a masculine archetype. There were many many important female figures in my young life, but few men who left any lingering impression on me. However, going back to my earlier utterance about «larger more masculine presenting men»: my mother herself was quite large and imposing, and, for one reason or another, did not indulge in the usual female archetypal behaviours of prettying herself, such as shaving etcetera. This is what I take to be the explanation for my superficially «homosexual» encounters with these masculine types: my internalized notion of the female archetype is aligned to the unconventional femininity of my mother, leading to my attraction to these qualities in the men that I perchance meet. Naturally few women meet these standards, and I do not believe I would want one in so many ways similar to my mother, in spite of my love for her.

From my perusal of this forum, I imagine there must be many here experiencing a similar dilemma. Have any succeeded in, let us call it, «updating» their internalized masculine/feminine archetypes to address these types of sexual issues?

Sincerely,

Anonymous

>>10189

Hmmmm I think that trying to intellectualize your sexuality along Freudian lines is just making it all confusing

I don't think you're straght

>>10194
Talking to yourself, anon?

>>10195
No

I'm talking to OP who has engaged in repeated homosexual activity in the past, and is enamored by hot men, so he is not under the definition of 'straight'. This is simple categorization and not a value judgement. Using this same simple criteria, since I have not engaged in homosexual activity, and have never had anything more than lukewarm feelings towards women, I am straight.

>>10199
What a weird reply. You're talking to OP but also to... someone else? Why don't you use "you"? Is this some gay schizo thing? or is this a big ESL-ism?

>>10189
>only occasionally penetrative anal sex via the penis.

good bait lole

>>10179 (OP)
>I did mostly have sex with men as a teen
100% gay
>my asshole is now blown out
just lol
>butterflies in stomach seeing men
100% gay
>i think is abnormal for homosexuals
homos ARE abonormal.
>i am so scared of going to hell for leviticus 18:22
many homos are also retarded.

So great news, there will be no hell. Bad news, you're a gay retard with a blown out ass hole. Converting to Catholicism just solidifies the meme. You were suppose to get molested by the priest before becoming gay, however.
this troll post isn't even worth it.

I love watching men play music passionately. If it's a song or style I like I will practically always develop some sort of fuzzy warm feeling upon seeing them play, even if I would never give those men a second thought outside of that context. In a world filled with gyrating, pleading-eyed women represented in arts and media, the male appreciator is forgotten, if not suppressed. Woman worship - in the sexual sense - is for the masses, the under-classes, for hungry, brain-dead men led by their base breeding instinct and self-appraising women (who are only turned on by seeing themselves in the third person). The male appreciator, meanwhile, has always been in the realm of aristocrats, since civilization was founded, by the best male thinkers who propel humanity forward-- and that pathetic minority of women, queer in their straightness, despised by all, doomed never to obtain nor participate, only to watch from under the moat below. I met a Chippendale once when I was 13 or 14. Of course this was not the first male stage performer I was introduced to up until that point, but it was the first time I remember recognizing and conceptualizing the feeling of awe and slight worship he produced in me, even if it would take many more years to develop the vocabulary to describe it, and even more lonely years to understand why this felt so isolating, and why only homosexual men seemed to celebrate men and maleness. The Chippendales, as everyone knows, are all (or mostly) gay, but put on the air of straightness for the show's marketing as women's fantasy, a reversal I have always found amusing and telling. God bless them. The gays, the musicians, the gay musicians too, and the straight ones, who don't even know how striking they are when they roll their eyes back and play that tremolo riff.

OP, lay off the porn and do something that’ll help ease whatever you’re experiencing rn. I recommend exercise and going to church.

That is (of course) if this whole post wasn’t just another bait post from a schizo

fuck i forgor to check up on this post
>>10181
Idk, like I dont have a 'simple belief' in god, so im trying to pascals wager my way into it
>>10189
Ngl i dont know enough psychoanalysis to say anytthing insightful but
>Sex with men is easy to attain and satisfies at least my basic desires
I do get this like men are 'easy' theyre losers or sth and i guess in a way the fact that men are so easy esp if they're faggots is like what turns me on about them? idk if i actually think that though. i dont know why i want to sleep with guys
>>10311
I dont watch porn. The only catholic church in my area is really insular lol it scares me, im scared they'll smell the faggot on me
>>10312
I wish this was bait i so fucking wish this was bait. It would be so much easier to just be a straight or gay guy but i!! So tempted to just be celibate forever. I feel like I cant honestly fuck anyone at all until i figure myself out completely it would be deception. Maybe i have some mind disease a freind did say he thought i was borderline once (not a doctor tho so i ignored it)